We are going to see the Swedish Minister of Justice (Attourney General for those in the US) and talk about the recent development regarding the law that supposed to protect people for being harassed for being homo- or bisexual in public print media and television. The recent verdict by the Supreme Court have cause a very dangerous situation for LGBT-people becuase it has been interpreted that as long as you are quoting the Bible you can do anything and get away with it. A recent example is an homepage where famous LGBT-people here in Sweden have been threatened to death by strictly using Bible citations. It will be really interesting to see how they have analyzed the situation and how to move forward from this. I will of course also stress the importance of including gender identity and expression in the law.
Hmm…it sometimes feels a bit embarrassing to be affected by all those small things around us but I guess most of us do. It is just that different people see different needs to tell others about it. Anyway it is interesting to observe people around me. Even though I guess most people (at work) are aware about my transition process and some even heard it from me directly there is some kind of “first reaction”. It is like people struggle really hard to show that they are not showing anything, or something like that. Today a person suprised me by just out of the blue telling me “you are so beautiful!” and before I think she had just looked skeptic when she met me. It turned put that she had not recognized by at all at first and that is something that I sometimes just forget. I mean I still feel like my old self but of course I look rather different know. Anyway, kind words keep dropping in to my inbox and every word means a lot!
Today I came back from the conference trip and got back to my office to read my mail. You know the one which says alexandra and “@mil.se” as the domain 🙂 The unread mail in my inbox almost filled my 21 inch screen and quite a few of them were responses to the email I sent on Monday night. There were all very nice answers from collegues that I have met in work and even though it sometimes were just one line or two of kind and supportive words – it felt great! Small things really mean a lot. Being at work that day suddenly felt much easier even though I have a little to much to do now.
BTW, I seem to be writing all these posts a few days after the actual day. I seem to need to think things through a few times before writing it down…
Well, my new email at work is up and running so on Monday night I sent a lot of notes about it to collegues at work. Even though getting the address took much longer than getting a new ID-card it is good to be able to “be official” at work. Kind of strange, by the way, how important your email (online) identity has become. So, if you have read my email and just arrived here from the included link I just want to say: Welcome, and thanks for stopping by. I hope you will find some useful information here.
However, now I am away again at a conference (and eating a lot of food!) and will be back on Friday at work. I have met another set of people today that have not met me as a women before and it seem to work just fine. Just being able to do introductions at the beginning of the meeting by saying “My name is Alexandra and I work at…” is really wonderful.
Today it was decided that I will go to the Defense & Security conference in Florida in April. It is a very interesting conference where a lot of research people all around the world gather and give briefings about their latest research. I have been to this conference before and it always very stimulating and very hard job taking notes all day long. It is also just wonderful to get some sunshine at a time of the year when Florida is reasonably hot.
Another big thing today was getting approval for my new email-address at work. It turned out to be a rather complicated thing and it took almost three months to get it done. It is strange on how many places your name is registrered and I wonder when I will have corrected all of them. Each week it seem to arrive new letters or email from people that I have not yet notified. But is just great to have an official email with my name. Now I can order business cards at last too!
Well, it was a while but today I had the chance to once again go cross-country skiing. My department at work usually go for a planning conference a few times a year and this time we went two hours north where there is much more snow. Since regular excercise is part of our job as officers we had booked two hours of skiing lessons with two instructors. I think it was over 10 years ago but still everything came back to me rather quickly. But guess if I became tired quickly 🙂 My arms were really sore after just 10 minutes! Tomorrow we are supposed to practise our “fine-tuned” technique for a longer trip…
As I have explained on other pages here I still seem to need some makeup in order to be seen as a woman in most situations. However, when doing sports it does not really work to wear makeup and my “extra hair” so I decided to skip that this morning. Even though I do not try not feel less female I think my confidence somehow takes a hit anyway. So when one of my collegues did a mistake and used my “old name” and mumbled something about that it is easier to remember to call me Alexandra when “in my ordinary look”. No harm meant but it is something that still makes me think. I hope that the effect of my hormones and laser hair removal will make these situations less frequent in a year or so.
Well, they say that if you don´t update your webpage people stop coming there…but in my case I have not updated my page in almost five (5) years and still I have over 100 visitors each day. Why I have not updated my page? Hmm…I think the page filled a lot of needs from 1998-2001 and I met many interesting people through my page. Then I got involved in the Swedish Federation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered Rights (RFSL) and soon I was project manager for their web development. So I got another page to take care of so to say…
Now, my life have changed a lot since 2001 and I feel there is a need to start working on my page again. I guess I won´t transfer all of my old content but I leave it on the server for the time being.
Welcome to my new page (with a blog format) and I hope you will find it interesting!
Well, now more than a month have passed since I started taking my estrogen hormones. It took few weeks before I started to notice anything but now I feel a bit more calm and less “edgy”. I have also seen a few small changes on my body and things have started to “developing” if you see what I mean 😉 That feels great but I am also a bit more tender…A few weeks into the treatment I was also ordered a changed dosage from two a week to once a day and I think that really started to speed things up. My doctor said that we should try these for some time and if the result “was not enough” whatever that means, we could consider other types of female hormones as well. It sure feels like I have started a new chapter of my journey now.
Yesterday I also met with my psychaitrist (the one responsible for my transition) again. We are supposed to see each other every third month or so. It was actually rather nice going there and having someone from “the outside” to talk about things in my life. I think I start to understand why some people really think it is good to have regular counseling/therapy sessions.
Last night was a big night. It was time to start taking hormones. The ones I have got is in the form of a transparent band-aid that stays on for 24 hours a piece. I must say it felt a bit nervous when I tore the first pack open but at the same time it was such an relief. This was something I had been waiting for a long time. I was also very curious about if I would feel any effect of them right away but I guess it takes more than half a day to start notice anything…:) I just can´t wait to see my body changing, hopefully into the woman I always wanted to see in the mirror.