Today, I have done an interview for a magazine targeting women between 25-40. It is a new magazine that will debut soon so it is a little bit scary since you don’t have that gut feeling if you like the approach or not. I met the journalist at the Nordic Light Hotel in downtown Stockholm. It is one of those new design hotels that exists in big cities and it was pretty nice to experience the setting they have tried to create. Very stylished with a mix between warm colors and the sparse design that signifies nordic design.
Over a latte we had a twohour discussion about my life for the past 10 years or so. I always think twice before I do these things but I felt that this could be good. Since I believe in honesty and openness I think it is good to have good and hopefully balanced coverage about what it is like to go through the transition process. I hope it can give more people a more nuanced view of our situation and maybe even that article which make some TS-man or woman to take the first step towards a better life. I know that a couple of those articles meant a lot for me 15 years ago. I just hope that the short article she is writing will be something that I feel is true to me and what I stand for. I also find that it gives me something to talk to someone which is not part of my daily life about things in my life. I think I learn things about myself everytime I answer these questions.
What struck me again was that I have a wonderful treasure of stories about people how have been a part of my transition process the last ten years. So many people have done so many wonderful things to me and for that I am so grateful. You know who you are. Thank you so much!
I remember reading posts about this on another blog last year and I was rather firm in my belief that honesty works in the long run. That does not mean that it is the first thing I tell people when I meet them. However, sometimes I am put into situations where it is not that clear. This week I have got a new Documentum developer from Acando working for me on our platform. The cool things is that it is a cool young woman who is a great Java developer. I think it is so refreshing to talk to women who not only work with IT but also really like it. Maybe, it makes me feel a bit more normal in a world where women often are assumed to work in social services, retail or health care.
So why did this thing about openess come up then? Well, sometimes you start talking with people about more than work, you know when you connect in some way or just think it is great fun to talk while working. Sooner or later there will be discussions about why different things have happened and why I am working the way I do at the place I do. That is when my transsexual background suddenly is an very important factor to why things have turned out the way they have. Why I have not done service in peace-support operations for instance or other things which has some kind of connection to what I have been through the last few years.
Nowadays, there are days I think I am kind of cute and there are people who strongly argue that I pass as a women very good. Anyway, I sometimes tend to test people by saying something like “well, people in my situation have to consider a few things” and I look for a reaction. This girl seemed very surprised and did not seem to know what I was talking about at all. That made me smile a bit and though that maybe she had no idea that I had a transsexual background. However, today we ended up in similar discussions again and I felt once again that I would like to share this experience which has been so important for me while I still felt rather good being just another girl for her. So it is a struggle between being honest and proud of my life and the fact that sometimes it is great to just be me. Anyway, I ended up telling her and she said she had not thought of that at all. I felt great to share this important thing with her but also a bit curious what it would have been like not telling her. So I guess if I pass as woman it is a lot like being a lesbian (which I also am) – I need to figure out when and if it is relevant to “come out”.
I almost fell into tears when I saw this part of the Ellen show where she discusses the tragic death of 15-year-old Larry who was killed because he asked a fellow male schoolmate to be his Valentine’s. We need to make a stand and do it from the very beginning. For instance I no longer thing the Tonight Show with Jay Leno is as fun anymore because of his regular gay jokes.