Today it feels that the wonderful feeling of summer has faded someway. It is colder and a little bit raw and things seem to get back to normal. A bit sad since this summer was indeed a wonderful one. I will treasure many moments of it. I just hope the spring comes really early next spring. Who knows, maybe the flowers start blooming real early.
I guess I am almost over-cautious after surgeries so I really try to rest as much as possible. The other side of that is that I lose strength a little bit and even walking short distances can be rather tiresome. Especially since I walk rather careful to avoid to much “bouncing” if you see what I mean.
So today I was invited to a birthday party by one of my absolute closest friends. Even though she does not like having presents at all I wanted to give her something beautiful to show how much I care for her and that I appreciate the support she is giving me. So I decided to get some flower and found wonder reddish lilies together with yellow flower I don’t know the name of. Forgot to buy a card so I had to go back again and when I was ready I was rather tired.
The next step was getting ready for the party and it was not entirely easy that either since I standing in front of a mirror that long and also not being able to lift your arms high makes it a little bit difficult but after I while I was on my way in a cab to the party. Even though I had taken a pain killer again I noticed that I was rather sore again and it hurt to hug people unfortunately. And I really enjoy hugging :/
It was a lot of people there at the party, most which I don’t really know or meet rather seldom but it was very nice to talk to those I knew and I enjoyed it very much. We talked about both my latest surgery but also a lot about life and relationships and why it seem so damn hard to find someone to share my life with. I was not the only one with that problem though. I am very emotional right now and I almost began to cry two times because of things people said. They did not of course mean any harm but my mind fixed the rest for me. This is a very intense phase of my life I think and I am beginning to dare to loose the tight control of my life, dare to feel vulnerable and try to dare to trust that people not only can like me but also be there for me. However, that also means opening up for the possibility of disappointment and that is of course very scary. It is much easier to play strong and keep to your self but it is not very healthy I think.
Me and a wonderful girl who is also a friend of the birthday kid decided to share a cab back home and after waiting for 30 min or so we finally got our cab. When the driver dropped me off to continue with my friend to her place I noticed that it took a while before he drove away. Later I got the explanation from my friend and the driver had said “When I drop of girls in the middle of the night I always stay for a while and see that they get inside the house”. Such a wonderful attitude!
Earlier today I got a phone call from a flower shop telling me there were flowers waiting for me. I was of course a little bit curious who had sent them to me and had a few options. A few minutes ago I got them from the delivery guy and it turned out to be from my collegues at work. This is so sweet, thank you so much! They are really beautiful! It really means a lot to me since I guess I am the only woman in the Swedish Armed Forces (as I know of at least) who have a transsexual background. Having this kind of support is just wonderful and means more than you think. I guess this also makes it one of the more public breast augmentation surgeries since most women tend to try to hide those things 🙂
Wednesday morning I woke up just after eight again – this seem to be a trend. I guess it will make it slightly easier to go back to work or it is just a sign that I am not exhausted 🙂 I started by getting a bit worried over something I saw next to the stitches so I decided to take a picture of it and send it to the hospital. I was amazed how my camera managed to highlight the bruises that apparently is a result of the surgery. Looked a bit scary when I saw them at first.
Anyway Mia chatted me up and offered to come buy to fix me some lunch and provide excellent company. Thought it was a great idea so I was once again spoiled with having a wonderful afternoon with nice food, lots a talking and a walk in the park. The weather was even better than on Tuesday and with a temperature of 21 deg C it was just perfect. She left around 5 and then I decided to do a little bit of work even though I am on a sick-leave. I joined a teleconference at work and being able lie down on a sofa with pillows and a blanket it was actually a nice experience. More teleconferences should be handled this way.
In the evening i decided to watch the movie 27 Dresses which made me both smile and cry a bit. It is about a girl who has a hard time saying no to people and end up being the constant wedding planner/bridesmaid. I think I could identify with her in a few ways especially of being the single girl around a lot of couples. Some of my friends are single so I think I am fortunate to have a very mixed set of friends but anyway. I also think I am not that good at saying no because I so much want to be there for people. However, people have been really there for me during the past years so I think I have at least got much better in accepting my own vulnerability and being able to ask for help when I need it. The hard part of course is also to be able to handle when you ask for help and someone (for good reasons) have to say no. I guess that is the next step of evolvement. Anyway it was a very sweet movie and I was really moved by it.
Today I had my first good night sleep so I felt great when I woke up. Got a text message from my dear friend P and she told me she would come by for lunch. It was so nice to see her and we walked slowly to a nearby Italian place to have some nice pasta and we were talking about life and things. She is pregnant right now so it is nice to hear how she is doing and I have of course things to talk to as well. Afterwards we walked again slowly down to the seaside of the island where I live and the weather was actually rather nice. We sat down on one of the benches down at the water and actually almost fall asleep for while. So nice!
When she had left I saw that I had got a message from the nurse at the hospital so I checked the email and got some reminders of things to think about for the next week. However, I had some further questions so I decided to call her anyway to ask her about when bandages should be removed. It sometimes hard to digest all the recommendations you get since there are no exact answers and different people in the health care system has slightly different views on things. I had asked clearly if it was ok to have a shower but what people had forgot to tell me was that the outer compress should be removed after the first shower in order to reduce the risk for infections. I had not done that so she told me to take them away as soon as possible. She was not sure if there was a second layer of surgical tape beneath so I need to buy tape at the pharmacy. After waiting for a taxi for 30 min I was finally on my way (don’t ride Taxi Kurir!). When I checked there was a layer of surgical tape and first I thought I should replace those but when I careully tried to remove them they were stuck rather firm so I called the hospital again and they told me to keep them.
In the evening my male friend M came by to help me cook dinner and we had a very nice pasta bolognese together. It was really nice to have some help and good company in the evening.
I still had some trouble to sleep this night but still felt a little better today. It was real nice to have some food home that did not require advanced cooking. They called from work today to check how I was doing and that made me feel good. It is so good to know that I have people at work who support me in my process. Apparently my medical status was reported during our weekly phone conference today 🙂 which I thought was kind of fun. Thought I would get some visits today but it turned out to be none. Called a few of my friends and my mother to talk a little instead. Still no direct pain but very sore and since I am rather tired I try to rest a lot. However, the body seem to have a delicate balance so it is vital that I don’t rest to much either. I had some trouble with my stomach after the last surgery and I want to avoid that as much as possible. So I took a short walk around the house today and it felt good to be out in the air but I actually was a little bit tired afterwords. The Democratic convention in Denver is about to start today and it is interesting to follow the debate on CNN I think. One of the perks of being home on a sick-leave is that there is time for things like that. Tonight Senator Kennedy, President Carter and Michelle Obama will talk.
Before going on my planned sick-leave I played around with DAM 6.5 for a while. I will try to summarize a few reflections I have on this brand new release.
The interface have got yet another refresh but rather small modifications that I guess I won’t even notice in a couple of weeks. The biggest change is that some functions have got modal windows meaning that when you click on properties you no longer see the big full screen page but instead a new browser window that allows you to see where you where when you clicked. A great improvement I think. The import/export/check-in process also has small modal windows with a nice looking update progress bar.
A thing that I just love is the new clusters/facets features which appears when performing a search. Your results can then be drilldowned based on user, topic, date and so forth. Will improve findability hugely. We had these installed in D6 SP0 but they did not work then and seem to be connected more closely to ECI Services back then.
In general the interface is prettier and looks more distinct and modern. The icons have been slightly improved as well.
Another small improvement is that attributes which have both value assistance (dropdowns) but also allows entering of an own value now have the correct width.
I guess it is not really connected to this upgrade but I finally manage to find how one creates Presets (rules) for specific folders and users which was great. Look at the three structure in DA – not in the menu.
The left tree structure has been cleaned up with clearer icons and the update is based on AJAX (or should see bad below). This works fine in Documentum Administrator 6.5 but for some reason they seemed to have missed something in compiling DAM because there is small refresh anyway when you click on a folder. Our partner suggest that they simply have inherited from the wrong WDK-class.
Another interesting thing is that some features that are highly marketed at EMC World are turned off by default in the configuration files. Those include Deep Export and OLE-linking support (resolving links in Office documents and imports associated files if desired). That is rather strange I think since those are really handy features. The OLE-linking can also be toggled on/off in Preferences. The effect of that is that there was no folder export available at all which is fairly strange. We also had some issues with getting import of more than two folders working.
We also have a an irritating issue around thumbnails. It seems that those can not be created for PDF-files at all which also means no storyboarding. When reading through the release notes this is noted as a known bug and it seems that despite our bug report from earlier this year nothing has been done to fix it. From a usability standpoint that is not so good.
I gave up trying to sleep around noon and decided to have breakfast instead which was real nice. M called and said he was on his way to me to make me some food and spend some time with me. Felt good to have some help. He brought lots of great food and made me a nice pasta with a vegetarian sauce to go with that. We watched the movie Flawless together which was really interesting and good. Had a touch of feminism since it dealt with a career woman working at London Diamonds but had been passed several times in the promotion chain. Felt better today even though it is a bit hard to know what is normal and not. Feels rather swollen and I am not interested in moving to vividly at all. Since showering was allowed I decided to do that and it is was also an experience. It is a bit the same feeling as from the first surgery – a bit scary but still very nice. Watched another movie called Surf’s Up in the evening and think I managed to get some more sleep then. Stopped taking the strong pain killers today and it also seemed to work. The pain did not become worse.
A&M came to meet me at the hospital and to ride home together. They brought a cool necklace that they bought for me at Pride. It was made from old keys from computer keyboards and the text was of course “Apple”. The weather was perfect when I went through the main gate which was wonderful. I was a bit weak but not as shaky as I was yesterday so it went fine. We first went to the Pharmacy which fortunately was open this Saturday to get my pain killers and to buy another soft bra so I can have some change the following days.
Back home in my apartment they made me lunch which was just great. I was feeling very sore and the thought of moving pans and pots did not feel like something I wanted to do. We finished off by having some ice cream before they had to go home.
Later I managed to get some sleep and when I woke up I felt rather warm and became a bit scared. Fortunately I have a thermometer at home so I checked if I had got a fever but it said 37.0 degrees C so everything was just ok. However, I guess it started my thoughts so I was a bit low in the evening. It is easy to feel a bit lonely and vulnerable when being back home from the hospital and the only thing you wish is that there is someone there to take care of you all the time. After a while I got some food from the Indian restaurant next door and called a friend of mine. Started crying and everything so it wasn’t nice at all. After a while I got a text message from her inviting me to their movie night back home. I hesitated for a while but decided I wanted/needed the company so I went there. However, I guess the strong pain killer had some impact on me so I felt a bit nauseous in the cab but it was still manageable. It was nice to be around friends for some hours then anyway.
When I got home I watched an episode of Stargate Atlantis because it was kind of hard to get some sleep. I guess it wasn’t the best theme either because the character Rodney was terminally ill in the episode. However, they cured him in the end of course! 🙂
I had got my TV yesterday but since there where four more people in my room I turned off after the 10 o’clock news. Fortunately I had my computer to entertain me. Couldn’t help myself from looking at a lot of ECM-related blogs and pondered what is the best reason to do Facebook for the Enterprise. But back to the surgery. Apparently my surgeon decided to give 320 ml implants so I hope they will not be too big. But so far it looks good. Managed to get some sleep around one in the night and slept tightly until 0640 or so when they took the temperature which was 37,2 degress C.
I had a nice breakfast – I always enjoys breakfast at hospital and the morning show in TV on in background. Almost a bit cozy. Got my soft sports bra this morning which was white and should apparently be worn outside in becasue of some nasty seams. I should wear this 24 hours a day for the first week and continue to wear for another 2-3 weeks. After that I should switch to a regular sports bra which I shoud wear for another 3-4 weeks. The restrictions include no heavy lifting and to not lift my arms above my shoulders. The stitches will go away by themselves for while and if one use surgery tape for the next 3-6 months the scars will kept to the mininum. Having a shower is just ok but I should wait awhile before having a bath. It is important that the scars are completely healed before that. The pain killers seem to work alright now and I will get a few extra ones on prescriptions when I go home. I think I will relax for another hour and then prepare myself before A&M come to pick me up.