Month: July 2008

Picnic before the first day of Pride Park

EuroPride Picnic
Today I was invited to a Picnic where a friend of mine have gathered a bunch of girls heading for EuroPride later on. I asked the wonderful A if she wanted to go with me there and she thought it was a great idea. We were to bring our own barbecue food so I needed to think something really nice out. I like to cook and I am interested in food but lately I have not been able to find much time so I always feel I know too little about it and have no imagination. However, there is a nice foodstore not that far from where I live so I went there and decided to buy filets of fresh salmon and tuna to grill and had some lime aioli and a seafood salad (Skagenröra) to go with that. Together with some cooked potatoes it looked good. I had also promised A to buy her some beer and luckily it was a Systembolaget, the Swedish Alcohol Retail Monopoly Store next to the food store. Remember, I don’t drink alcohol at all so I don’t even remember when I was in this store the last time – let alone buying anything. However, I think I found a couple of nice light beers for her.

The weather was just stunning and me and A headed off to the southern part of Stockholm before stopping by a flower shop to get something to the hostess. And I got a flower from her too which made me real happy! It now sits in a vase back home and it still looks good and warms my heart. Our barbecue was real nice and the food we had brought was just delicious! It was so nice being there with her and all the other Pride-people eating and talking on the lawn.

After that we drove to the Pride Park and I tried to show A around Pride Park. We stopped by the VIP soiree at the QX tent and then I found an old colleague who is now an Air Force Colonel and we talked for quite a long time. He had not been to Pride before and was honestly interested and thought it was really important for him to be there. Being able to talk a little about my experiences and hear his thoughts on LGBT issues actually made me feel real good about the possibility of changing the Armed Forces. Later I also heard that he had enjoyed hearing about my experiences as well.

Since Christer Fuglesang was there I was wearing my pink NASA-top but unfortunately I missed his official book signing. However, I managed to say hi to him later on but he seemed very stressed out and did not say much more than that he liked my top. Around ten o’clock he entered the scene to introduce The Arrival – a band that plays ABBA-music but I think EuroPride really made that into an almost embarrassing moment both for Christer and for us watching. It is such a shame because space science is really cool if you just treat it the right way.

Anyhow it was a wonderful day with A again and a perfect start of the Pride Park week.

I am a Fashion Dyke…

Today I was featured as a one of the Fashion Dykes on the new website that a friend of mine have started to empower lesbian women who embrace fashion, glitter and some glamour. I was really honored to be featured and also to be a member of the club with the same name on the LGBT-community Qruiser. I think it is a good initiative because in my experience it is not always easy to be a feminine lesbian woman in the current LGBT-scene. I know people who have felt really uneasy just by wearing a dress at a lesbian club.

Some things are really worth waiting for…

It was a truly magic evening – one that I will always remember. Stockholm from its best side with beautiful weather, a nice Pride mood in the town and a wonderful woman by my side in the sunshine. Champagne (I drank something non-alcoholic) and nice chatting with people in the LGBT-community hours before the official inauguration of EuroPride 08 at Skansen. The feeling of safety with uniformed police and secret service people around us – should not be needed but still nice to have around. The beautiful rising of the official EuroPride flag at the big stage where soon around 11 000 people would show up. I am not good at asking questions when it comes to emotions though I want to believe I am getting better at it. Maybe with a little assistance I got some answers yesterday. Even though it was not exactly what I had wanted and longed for it wasn’t entirely bad either. I think my heart easily eats what it can get and sometimes a small piece of the cake is better than no one at all. It was another small step for me knowing that I actually can love and be loved. So I was not sad at all for some strange reason rather relieved and cherishing the hope that I believe still exists there somewhere. I don’t know when and frankly no one does but I felt in my heart that some things are so wonderful that they are soo worth waiting for….and if not it will be so worth it anyway.

My issues in the archipelago

Today I was invited by a friend of mine or rather her boyfriend to an island in the archipelago. It is week-long party where people come and go and enjoy sun and bath while eating a lot. To me it was a day of mixed emotions. You see, over the past years I have become so much more comfortable in many everyday situations such as meetings a work, parties, going dancing and so forth. I really enjoy those situations now. However, there are a few situations which I guess I have avoided and one of those are those are sun-bathing and bathing. Just being in that environment makes me insecure because I see all these women in their bathing suits and bikinis and I so long being one of them. But I don’t really dare and I am scared of doing something wrong in the sense of not being feminine enough sort of. I think this feeling is stronger among straight(-looking) women since I perceive a bigger difference between them and me, real or not. Lately I have found out that I am very scared of looking stupid so much that I avoid doing this at all. Take the workout session today. Sure I wanted to participate but I kind of figured that most of them were really good at this and that would make me stand out really hard, which isn’t exactly passing and melting in. Sure there were other women who felt the same and that made feel a little bit better but still. I want to be able to do all that so gracefully but I have no idea how and the opportunity to practice never seem to appear. I wonder why I sometimes still have to fight so hard just to relax and enjoy myself. On the other hand, ten years ago I was completely terrified about going to a party and I no longer feel like that at all. So things can change. But I guess I still need a helping hand sometimes. But I also not so good in asking for that hand so that is something I need to work a lot on.

After all, there were nice people there, the archipelago is just beautiful and the food was nice. Riding the boat to my parked car was just beautiful. A sea that looked like a mirror and the red remnants of a sun-set reflection in the water while racing ahead in the boat. Sometimes you need perspectives on your own issues as well. It is so easy to assume that everybody else are picture-perfect beautiful and live perfect lives.

A wonderful day with A

Today I had a just wonderful day together with A and it was great to spend time with her again. We met at the mall called Gallerian where we also hoped to be able to trade our paper tickets for EuroPride 08 to the real tickets and the official piece of jewelry. She looked great as usual and to top this off wearing the Starfleet Acedemy T-shirt I gave when I met her the last time. That made me really happy – and really cool I mean how many lesbians like Star Trek?! We then headed of to the Army museum to the special exhibition they have prepared because of EuroPride. It was interesting to see all the exhibits and we had a lot of fun and laughed a lot. It is cool that she has such an interest in history I think. However, I think we both agreed that the LGBT exhibition was a disappointment. Instead of making one thematic room they had small stands located on the different floors, each with a small text reflecting upon sexual orientation and gender primarily. In total I think there were 8-9 of them which was pretty small. I think they could have done a lot better than that.

After that we found a nice Italian restaurant which had excellent food and it was great sitting outside talking and eating. After that we looked in some stores and found a spectacular pair of shoes for her (high heels of course!). Stopped at Espresso House to have a cup of nice coffee while talking and looking people passing by. Altogether a wonderful time with lots of laughter and lots to talk about all the time. She is a wonderful woman and it continues to amaze me how similar yet different we are in many respects. Next up we are planning to go to the opening ceremony for EuroPride on Friday. I think we both really look forward to that!

My first diathermy session

Years ago I think I took my first step of admitting that I was transsexual when I went to my first laser hair removal treatments. Since then I have done them as often as I have had the chance and money for it. You see for some strange reason Stockholms Läns Landsting (“medical district”) do not consider that method as eligible for treatment within Swedish general health insurance. So I have done a lot of treatments in Uppsala at a place called Laserkliniken which was close to work. This spring I felt that I have done what I could with laser and finally asked for a referral for diathermy treatment here in Stockholm. Today I went to the first session at a place called Gester Hud and it was a bit different. The pain were not so intense but regular since she uses a small needle for each hair and put electricity in it to kill the hair. So it was a warm stinging sensation numbed a bit by the cream I used beforehand. Anyway it felt good to have started this even though I am a bit worried how my face look tomorrow when I am supposed to meet the wonderful A again.

Dog-bite aftermath…at the emergency room

For some strange reason it always takes too long before you decide to call the Medical Advisory Line (Sjukvårdsupplysningen) when something has happened to you. Well, I looked at my slightly swollen bite mark and decided to call. She looked around in the databases from some data about vaccination programs when I was a kid but could not find any. I also really don’t know when I had my latest lockjaw/tetanus (stelkramp) done so she said I definately needed another shot to be safe. When I called all the daily medical centres had closed to I was told to go to the emergency room at St. Görans Hospital in central Stockholm. Apparently you need to take it with 24 hours of the dog bite if there is a risk that your vaccination is too old. And it happened around nine o’clock in the evening on Saturday so I went there directly.When I got there the waiting room was luckily completely empty so I was taken in at once. The doctor looked at it and said I needed a tetanus shot but also antibiotics since there is apparently a risk for strange bacterias when a dog bites you (especially on the underside of your arm). It can result in infections of tendons.

Then the good part happened. The nurse who was assigned to give me the shot (in my bum..) saw the patch I wear daily and asked what it was. I said it was estrogen and he replied “ah…so you are trying to get pregnant”. I smiled and thought about what I should answer and told him that I had it because I was a transsexual patient. He still did not get it so I told him again and then he smiled. “Ah, I had no idea – how cool!”. So I explained to him the basics for hormone replacement therapy and he sincerly looked both amazed and interested.

A roadtrip to Dalarna

After a nice Cafe Mocha from Espresso House me and three of my friends embarked on a trip north in my little car. To my great surprise we managed to fit all of us and a decent number of bags in my car. The Clubman edition really is bigger than my old one. Our first stop was at Maria and Joanna in Tierp (sort of) where we were treated to a nice barbecue dinner and desert. Everything topped of with a cup of Nespresso coffee. I got a good demonstration how this rather simple coffee machine really works and I am tempted to buy one. Read more and see some pictures on Joanna’s blog.

After that we continued north towards Falun to stay at the Swedish LBGT-boss Sören and his Daniel. They have recently bought a rather big house in the middle of the forest. The fun part is that it is located just 10 minutes (by car) from the place where I grew up. So it was a bit like coming home to your old neighbourhood. My mother lives nearby as well (in the city of Borlänge) so I took my car and paid her a visit as well.

As you might know I am quite allergic to a lot of things such as pollen from leaf trees, grass but also to animals like cats and dogs. This house has all of that so it is a bit of a mixed experience. It is soo nice and quiet, fresh air but also all these things that makes me feel not so good. Have tried different drugs and they help but does not take it away completely. To top this off their dog (which is a very nervous creature) bit me in the evening and that made me quite shaky to be honest. So really mixed feelings about this but the good company and nice food really helps 🙂

Since I really feel like a city girl nowadays I wonder if I ever want to move to a house like that. Right know it seems really far away.


Visa större karta

Surgery on August 18th

Today I finally got the envelope from the Karolinska Hospital telling me that I have got a date for my breast augmentation surgery. It will be on Monday August 18th. After the surgery I will on a sick-leave for around 2 weeks. It fits perfectly in my schedule (after EuroPride and before work sort of) so that feels great. I am on vacation until August 11 and then I will go on a business trip to the UK again. Hmm…hope we will have great weather in the beginning of September and maybe I will be able to wear my new bikini even though I might not be allowed to have a bath so early. Anyway, if nothing goes wrong this will be my final surgery.