To tell or not to tell

I remember reading posts about this on another blog last year and I was rather firm in my belief that honesty works in the long run. That does not mean that it is the first thing I tell people when I meet them. However, sometimes I am put into situations where it is not that clear. This week I have got a new Documentum developer from Acando working for me on our platform. The cool things is that it is a cool young woman who is a great Java developer. I think it is so refreshing to talk to women who not only work with IT but also really like it. Maybe, it makes me feel a bit more normal in a world where women often are assumed to work in social services, retail or health care.

So why did this thing about openess come up then? Well, sometimes you start talking with people about more than work, you know when you connect in some way or just think it is great fun to talk while working. Sooner or later there will be discussions about why different things have happened and why I am working the way I do at the place I do. That is when my transsexual background suddenly is an very important factor to why things have turned out the way they have. Why I have not done service in peace-support operations for instance or other things which has some kind of connection to what I have been through the last few years.

Nowadays, there are days I think I am kind of cute and there are people who strongly argue that I pass as a women very good. Anyway, I sometimes tend to test people by saying something like “well, people in my situation have to consider a few things” and I look for a reaction. This girl seemed very surprised and did not seem to know what I was talking about at all. That made me smile a bit and though that maybe she had no idea that I had a transsexual background. However, today we ended up in similar discussions again and I felt once again that I would like to share this experience which has been so important for me while I still felt rather good being just another girl for her. So it is a struggle between being honest and proud of my life and the fact that sometimes it is great to just be me. Anyway, I ended up telling her and she said she had not thought of that at all. I felt great to share this important thing with her but also a bit curious what it would have been like not telling her. So I guess if I pass as woman it is a lot like being a lesbian (which I also am) – I need to figure out when and if it is relevant to “come out”.

One thought on “To tell or not to tell”

  1. Well, du ser, man behöver inte alls berätta om man inte tvunget vill att det ska vara HELT klart. Vilket det väldigt sällan ställs krav på. Jag kör konsekvent med don´t ask, don´t tell på jobbet. Inget behov av övertydlighet. Här fann jag en bra modul för voice analysis. Funkar i Mac och PC. Enjoy. http://www.fon.hum.uva.nl/praat/
    Mia

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