August 2007 – Alexandra Larsson

Hospital re-check today

Today I went to my first check-up after this second surgery. It was Connie Nebelong that took care of me but since she is leaving her job she had the new nurse with her in order to hand-over some experience. Connie has been there since 1998 so I guess it is time to look for new challenges. I hope this new one, Anna was her name I think, will be good. The main event today was to remove the catheter and that is not very nice at all. Really it isn´t. Anyway, she thought everything looked nice and that was really good to hear. I still have some issues sitting straight up so I am not really sure when I can go back to work. I will try on Monday but I am not sure. I spend my first hour each day sitting in my sweet little car and this not nice if you have a sore bum. So I guess I will take it gradually. Next stop at the hospital is around two weeks away to remove some stitches.

From these past experiences I have really learned to appreciate having a healthy physical body. Rather small things can really make your daily life complicated. Another thing that amazes me is the healing ability of my body. Even after just a week so much have happened to the wound.

Microsoft and its methods to push their own formats as a standard

I can’t help saying “see for yourself how they really are” when I am reading about the latest scandal in the Swedish Standardization Organisation (SIS) regarding standards for document formats. Open Document (ODF) used by the open source package Open Office/Star Office/NeoOffice has already been selected as a standards by ISO. However, as usual Microsoft has no intention of supporting this and is instead pushing its own XML-based format called OOXML. This standard is up for a vote in the ISO in a few days and Sweden’s SIS had recently a vote to decide how Sweden will vote. Microsoft used promises of marketing assistance to urge their partners to become members of SIS and thus being able to vote. As a result the majority shifted and OOXML was accepted as a standard. Computer Sweden have written about it here. Fortunately the SIS have now declared the vote not guilty based on formal reasons which Dagens Nyheter writes about here. Why is it so hard for Microsoft to participate in international standardization efforts instead of insisting of doing it alone all the time? Don’t they realize that all giants sooner or later will lose its grips on the market just like IBM did 20 years ago….

IBM has now become a good example how to embrace standards and still make money. An even better example is Sun Microsystems that is showing great profits after lots of open source initatives. Even Apple, a company that lots of people used to think of as a very proprietary company nowadays not only implements every standard it finds but base their whole operating system on open source code in the form of FreeBSD/Darwin.

När man är hemma har man lite extra tid och idag läste jag lite i MacWorlds forumt och hittade en tråd som handlade om hur nån försökt flama igång en debatt om varför Mac-människor är så “sekt-lika”. Jag kan bara konstatera att alla som varit del av en minoritet som upplevt sig missförstådd känner igen sig i argumentationen. Det handlar ofta om “varför måste ni homosexuella/macanvändare/kvinnor/osv alltid….”. Representerar alltid ett utanifrånperspektiv från den som sitter i en maktposition att definiera ramarna för ett samtal. En av användarna på forumet sammanfattade Mac-fördomarna på ett utmärkt sätt:

Mac-användare är trötta på windows och dess användare/anhängare pga:
Deras okunnighet på området men ändå väldigt bestämda uppfattning om att det inte finns någon programvara, att plattformen är utdöende och att eftersom MacOS är lätt och logiskt så är det inte kraftfullt utan är till för okunniga eller för barn.
Deras ständiga småleende “jaså du kör mac”.
Deras jämförelser mellan dagens PC-datorer och någon Mac de sett på 90-talet.
Åsikten att en mac-användare inte kan vara teknikintresserad/-kunnig, utan man är en lurad, inlåst design-nisse (det hade varit ok om man köpt en ful pc-burk för en billig peng och samtidigt en tavla för ett par tusen, men köper man mac är man lurad).
Att fast man har full koll på att vissa saker inte går att byta på en kompakt-mac, och man har gjort ett medvetet val eftersom man ändå inte skulle bytt dessa saker så är man ändå “lurad”.
Att man kan inte försvara sitt val utan att bli kallad fanatiker eller mac-taliban.
Den klassiska idiotkommentaren: “Om Mac är så bra, varför har windows nästan hela marknaden?”

Diskussionstråden finns här: MacWorld Forum

A post about the most common prejudices around Mac-users and why that is similar to outside perception of different minority groups. As long as you are not part of a minority it can be hard to understand the feelings of being misunderstood (or at least act as a defender for the whole group) or the need to be proud among like-minded people once in a while

Macaroni box and The Brothers Grimm

A dear friend of mine came to visit me at home and brought all the stuff she needed to make me dinner. We had decided earlier that a macaroni box would be good food for me now but she added a chocolat dessert on top of that 🙂 She had rented a movie as well, the Brothers Grimm with Matt Damon in one of the roles. It was great to have company at home this evening and the movie was quite amusing. Like a mix of all the tales together with lots of special effects.

At home again…

Now I am back home again after 24 hours at the Karolinska hospital. A friend of mine came with my little car and drove me home, which I appreciated very much! The surgery seem to have gone fine even though it was a little bit more extensive since I wanted an extra detail corrected to make it easier to use the restroom. I think I went into surger around 11 and then I woke up half past one or so, at least then I asked for the time. Had some pain this time as well but it did not became worse as it did the last time so I was pretty comfortable after all. It is always a bit scary to have the first look under the bandages and this time it was rather messy. And the worst part was that I was expected to continue the dilation training. However, the nurse decided I should wait until the morning today because she thought it was a bit early after the surgery. Anyway, it was a bit scary to do that this morning. Not as clean and nice as last time if I say so 🙁 I also met another TS-girl who had done the same surgery and it was very nice to “compare notes” for a while. We both agreed that the period after the surgery can be rather tough as well. Everyone expects you to be finished and ready but there is a lot of routines to get by before everything settles in your body. It takes time each day and can be a bit stressful. Now I am waiting for another friend to come by and make me some dinner. It will be nice to have some company this evening.

Surgery tomorrow

Tomorrow it is time for my second planned surgery (as part of the SRS). It will be much smaller than last time and I will stay at the hospital over the night through Friday. I don’t feel as nervous as I did the last time but still it is a hospital and I guess I will have some flash-backs during my stay. I am not sure how sore I will be this time but I plan to stay at home the next week just in case. I guess sitting will be a problem again.

Shoulder dislocation (axeln ur led)

I had spent the day working and in the evening I saw my computer lying on the bed and thought I could check my email. I threw myself on the bed as I have done many times before and landed with my elbow first and…snap!!! My shoulder was dislocated! Intense pain…and I carefully tried to see if it would snap back. It has happened a few times before and then I have always managed to make it snap back after a minute or so. But not this time….after 15-20 minutes I decided to go to the hospital (St. Görans sjukhus) so I somehow managed to get dressed and call a cab. The cab driver first looked a bit worried but drove me very carefully to the emergency room at the hospital.

I guess they saw my pain right away because I was taken right inside ahead of the line and got help immediately. They set me up to give some muscle relaxing drug and some serious pain killer and put me down in the stretcher face down and very very slowly made the shoulder snap back. What a relief it was! Then they sent me to X-ray to see that everything looked ok and I was released from the hospital. I am soo very pleased and grateful to the staff at the emergency room. So helpful and professional! Thank you!

Long time no see…

Yesterday I met two of my cousins after around 13-14 years or so. We met now and then when me and my brother were small and visited my grandmother here in Stockholm. It is always a bit strange to meet people that you have not seen for such a long time and added to that was the journey I have made since we last met. It was at the very end of my period of denial and things have changed quite a bit since then. I was not actually that nervous to meeet them and what they might think of me. Somehow, I think I have become a little bit more secure in myself to do these things now. Anyway, I took my car directly from work to meet them at home – a nice house south of Stockholm close to the water. Maybe it was because both of them were grown-up when I last met them but they looked just the same and it was a little bit like stepping in a time-machine. Some memories came back right away. We had dinner together outside by the lawn and did some catching up. It turned into a very nice evening and interesting discussions. I am really glad I made the effort to contact them. Hopefully we will see each other next time before 13 years.

Why I am not that glamorous in the Pride Parade

Stockholm Pride has passed again and it was a nice but hectic week. I have been involved in the LGBT community for over seven years now and I feel I belong there. We have a few key things in common and that is related to norms on how we are expected to be. The LGBT-community is a wonderful place to feel at home and gather momentum to try to the change world a little bit. The Pride parade gathered around 50 000 people this year and around ten times that were watching us.

As one of our party leaders in Sweden said: It is glamorous and important. I agree. This day is a day when all of us can be proud and show that we comes in all shapes and colors. It is ok to be outrageously dressed and just plain looking at the same time and that is not that common in our society. However, there are new norms withing the LGBT-community as well. In that sense, we are not better, than the society in general. Even if that comes as a surprise for some, to me it is apparent that being part of one minority is not a guarantee to respect other minorities any better. Or not to force norms onto the people in the group you belong to yourself. Not when viewed as a group at least.

I am walking very proud in the parade but I sometimes envy those genetic women who really have fun and wear pink hair and funny outfits. It is expected and it is great fun to play around a little once in a year. However, I also feel like an ambassador for the transsexual group and even though I respect drag-queens it is important for me to not look like one. Therefore I am not that glamorous in the Pride Parade. And that is a sentiment that who I am is sometimes not as vital as how I look. Which is something any transsexual is utterly familiar with. And that is a paradox since the Pride Parade is supposed to celebrate the need to be just that – who we really are. On the other hand, not many people wear their Pride outfits in their daily life….

Well, I need to start thinking about what I can/should/want to wear next year…