When I was at work the other day I found myself saying that I am not overly interested in history and historical things. First I just thought it was just an expression of my forward-looking creative mind. However, today I realised that it might be much more into the whole thing.
When I was in school I actually was fairly interested in history and had really good grades in it. I think most of my interest was focused at the Second World War era and of course aviation in particular. I still have all these books in my bookshelf but I seem less and less inclined to read them. It is not because I have lost interest in miitary warfare, in fact in my job I think I need to consider historical lessons learned quite a lot.
I believe it has more to do with progress in terms of human rights, democracy and respect for minorities. My own journey into the woman I am today and my work with LGBT-rights has actually influenced me a lot. So much that is has became a centerpiece of all my values. I have learned so much about all the aspects of human rights from laws and regulations down to the importance of awarness building in schools and society in general.
Each time I see some historic exhibition it often is fairly obvious that the situation for women, ethnic minorites, gay and lesbians, transgendered, disabled people was a lot worse than it is today here in Sweden. I have a hard time disregarding the fact that it would have been a real tough for me to live in that era and that gives me a feeling of sadness. I think that is why I find it very hard to be fascinated by historical reenactments, historical cities and exhibitions. I have no interest in either taking part in nor watching people reenacting an era where women in general and lesbian ones in particular had such a hard time.
This also seems to overflow to my feelings when I see news segments from other parts of the world where it usually feels like travelling back in time in terms of respect for human rights. However, my feelings in these case are different because I feel an urge to do something to change the current situation. Still, it also seem to give me reminders of “old times” which makes me even less interested in history.
Of course we also have the aspect of my own history which I find myself struggling with now and then. I have chosen to be completely open with my background since I desperately don’t want to get back in the closet again. On the other hand it is hard to relate to my own history which represent a time where so many central things were wrong. It is sometimes even hard to relate to the fact that it was me doing this stupid things back then. I also find myself more uncomfortable to be reminded about what it was like then, my old name and things like that. It nearly makes me shiver sometimes.
Finally I think I have a tendency to be charmed by new novel ways of solving problems and that I think is the final nail in my history coffin. Playing with a ten year old computer isn’t actually that much fun and I fail to be charmed by the thoughts of that time. One of the few exceptions is that I actually enjoy going to the National Air & Space Museum where there obviously is a lot of old aircraft. Still, I often skip the oldest parts of the exhibition and move to the newer aircraft and of course enjoy future-oriented exhibtions the most.
So, history seem to make me feel there wouldn’t be any place for someone like me in that setting and the sad part is that it is probably true.