Am I too hard on myself or too scared?

Me in front of the US Congress
I am back in the US again, this time for two weeks. The first one in the DC area and the second one in the Norfolk area. Decided to stay in the DC area over the weekend – assumed there would be more interesting things to do there. Today I have walked around at The Mall and saw the congress and then I went to the National Air & Space Museum. It was a good afternoon even though I was there by myself.

Most of the LGBT people I know they usually try to explore the LGBT-scene when they are visiting a city. Sure, most of them travel privately with LGBT-friends or partners so I guess it is a little bit different than for me. I usually end up travelling to nice places in the line of my work and that means spending time with heterosexual collegues nighttime. It is no problem really, I like to have the company and evening discussions are sometimes more productive than the formal meetings during the day. However this time was the first one in a long time where I will not have the company of a collegue all the time so I at least started to check out the local scene here in DC.

Generally, I still can think it is stressful to sit by myself at a restaurant. I guess it is because I project that I am a strange person that is sitting there by herself because she has no friends. Still, looking back 10 years I would have been terrified by going to a restaurant by myself and now I can just be uneasy at times.

So I found two cool places for lesbian women here in DC. The first one is called Lace and is an upscale bar-restaurant-nightclub which seem to be something I have not seen before. The other is a bar and nightclub called A Different Kind of Ladies Night and seem a bit more casual. I thought about going there but the whole concept of going there alone seemed a little bit too scary. I don’t really know if it is that I don’t trust my social skills of havinga at least a decent time or if it is because of my transsexual background. Sometime I feel that if I go there with another woman I am unconciously “vouched for” that I am ok because I have company and by another female. So I ended up staying at the hotel. I wonder if I should dare more or if I am just too hard on myself…on the good side is that I definately could see myself at both those places in somebody’s company. That is at least some kind of progress…

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