Daily Archives: March 27, 2008

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Falling down from the clouds…

This happened at the end of the the tapas dinner at San Leandros at Sveavägen but I did not wan’t to “pollute” that post with negative feelings so I created new one instead. It is hard to describe what it feels when everything is great so it is sometimes easier to explain what happens when I am brought down and it feels a bit like falling down from the clouds. Well, there I was having a dinner and talking to this wonderful woman and was feeling good. During my last years I have developed a good (often too good) radar that detects when people are behaving strange around me and after 2 hours or so I detected that two young men where behaving a bit strange at the table next to us. I tried to not make to much of it and wasn’t really sure what it was.

However, just when we were about to leave the tapas bar I saw behind her that something was happening at the other table and one of the guys started staring at me. I like to mention that he wasn’t the most handsome man I have seen, his face was rather disfigured. So after he stared at me for a short while I asked if something was wrong. Then he seemed to gain support from his friend and started to approach me. Then he started…”you see me and my friend have had this discussion for a while here…”

And I know what was coming…

“so I have to ask you if you are a man or a woman?”

Poff…down from the clouds. It does not matter what I feel when people around me sometimes believe they have the right to question me and who I am. Here I was dressed in my Air Force uniform (coming straight from work) and felt that I was looking great. Do these people think at all? Read my f—ing nametag! So I was both sad and angry and I at least managed to tell him that I refused to answer his question and I asked him to go away. He genuinely seemed surprised and went back to his table. What bothers me most is that this man who most likely had some experiences of people staring at him, would do that same thing to me.

Another thing that I just can’t understand is this….if I make a great effort to present myself as the woman I am, I think/hope that maybe 90-95% of the signals I send out are unquestionable feminine. So why does this little sign of doubt make people question my gender altogether??? Isn’t that strange?

My tapas-date told me to not make this ruin the evening and it really did not but of course I kept thinking about this a few times over the next day. And well, I obviously had to write this post to get it out of me…

Tapas talk

Remember the wonderful Sunday afternoon I had with a very nice woman a couple of weeks ago? Today, we had dinner together at the Tapas bar on Sveavägen in downtown Stockholm. It was very nice to see her again and it was a great way to wind down after work and talk about life and everything. We had planned on seeing each other earlier but travel, fever and life in general seemed to be in the way all the time so I really looked forward to seeing her. Sometimes I feel that lesbian women I meet are so different from me that we both have some trouble to relate so she is such a welcome exception from that. There are a lot of things that we share and I think that is really cool!

So we ordered a number of different tapas dishes and tried to catch up about what has happened lately. I think we both had a lot of different experiences to share from the last meeting and that was good to do.

I also think it is great that I seem to have more energy each week and have some left to do things like this. I hope it continue this way and I think the fact that I have turned down requests to be on the board of both RFSL and Stockholm Pride will be good for me as well.

Looking forward to seeing her again soon…:)