Hmm…was that too graphic maybe? Well, it is exactly what it is and I feel better celebrating that than the surgery. Well, today one year ago (possibly one day wrong because of the leap year) I had that big surgery that changed my life again to the better. I can remember the feeling I had when I arrived at the hospital as it was yesterday. A dear friend drove me there and left me in a very white and un-cosy room with a bed, a chair and a TV. I was rather nervous and had real trouble to sleep that night. I wasn’t really nervous about the visual result but from the risk that something would go wrong. On the morning of the surgery everything became more hectic so I think the nervousness went away somewhat. I remember how I woke up after almost 5 hours in surgery around 13.30 or so and felt “it is done!”. I was almost motionless and felt no pain only a small nausea that I got some medication from. Then I became worried and wondered if everything had gone ok so the first time a nurse came past I asked her and she said yes. Still it was not until I had met my surgeon and he told me the same thing that I felt calm. At the evening the serious pain started and that was the first day of two real hard weeks with a lof of pain.
Well, now I ended up in the past again but I think I need to process this a few times to handle it. Last year was a very different year but now I just feel wonderful. I learned a lot from it I think. Things like telling people how I really feel and how to ask for help. I am so grateful to the Swedish health care system and how skilled my surgeon is. Now when I am fully recovered I just feel great. It is like I have been this way all the time. I can’t even picture something else. I smile when I see myself in the mirror and when I look at myself without makeup I more often see that girl looking back at me. The girl that was hidden inside me for so long.