I just saw a commercial for a shampoo where a couple of small girls where playing with their father’s hair and making pig tails with brightly colored hairpins. The good part was that the man seemed to think it was great fun. I realised that I thought that small thing was good but did not really know why.
The thing is that is that I want to be seen as just another woman and to be honest preferably rather close to the norm of how a woman in our society should look like. It is partly a practical thing, you know to be able to walk around without being noticed as someone strange – to blend in. But I guess it is also easier to feel good about myself when people see me as the woman I feel I am. So based on that why should I – who want to blend in – like to see that people are positive towards those who either look androgynous or play with their gender expression.
I think it is the same feeling I have about being around drag queens/drag kings. It is sad but I feel anxious that someone would think that I am one of them instead of “just a woman”. However, rationally I strongly support the rights of all transgender people to be who they are and look how they want.
So when it is so important for me to look “normal” or at least normatively female why do I see gender-bending as something good?
I think it is because even though transsexuals like me from experience know that we don’t always “pass”. What happens then is that we go from being a very “normal” (or normatively looking) woman to a person with a strange gender expression no matter how we feel inside. It is cruel but that is the way it is. And it is just when that happens that I also benefit from a society with less conservative rules for what is male/female and a relaxed attitude to people who mix their gender expressions, intentially or not.
I think most transsexuals start out as rather androgynous but develop into the woman or man they want to be usually with some help from medical treatment. So we basically goes from visible transgender people to rather normatively looking males and females with a rather unusual background. Personally I background I want to be open with most of the time but I understand why some people don’t want to.